Fight tips and ear tips

The boyfriend aforementioned who I dated for three years gave me good advice concerning fight strategies. Here they are:

1 - If you have never fought, so it is very likely you do not know how to fight. If you only fought at school, pulling hair and scratching your opponent's face, yes… you definitely does not know how to fight. If you are not trained by the army, or are not black belt in some credible martial art, or never faced someone who was willing to cause you extreme harm, then you for sure never fought. It is better, in these cases, to keep calm and sneak out, unless you are sure the other girl is as inexperienced as you.

2 – Yes, run away, mainly if the other girl is stronger: it is a good way to avoid injury. The best of martial arts is called 100-metre dash. So run for your life as if you were one of the three little pigs picking flowers in the field and all of sudden the big bad wolf appears to say "good day, sunshine". It is very humiliating, however, to be caught while fleeing and get thrashed…

3 – Aggression is crime. Fight for self-defense. Try to establish rules for fight and punishment (including humiliation), that is, try to make the fight as "consensual" as possible. Do not hurt badly the bitch who provoked you, nevertheless, keep in mind you have to teach her a good and humiliating lesson. And be prepared for a reverse outcome - physically and psychologically.

4 – If the fight is unavoidable and necessary, remember the holy trinity: breasts, eyes and throat. Hit, strike, crash, thrash, bash, crush, squeeze, finger, punch, pinch, twist, chop, lam, slam, slap, slug there - but only in cases of life and death, please (you do no want go to jail, right?). There is no superheroine or black belt who could withstand a strong beating in any of these spots. An uppercut in the bitch’s chin or a heavy punch in her solar plexus are also good moves, as so the pressure points - if you have learnt a little bit of krav-maga techniques.

5 – And, finally, please, examine carefully the bitch's general features. If she is over 200lb, if her arm thickness is similar to one of a barrel, fighting is not definitely the most appropriate way to settle differences. No. You shall want to be her friend. Yes. The bitch's best friend... and a good and obedient girl.

The poor hottie in these videos did not follow these tips, and the tips of her ears paid the price. Humiliation galore in this match, but, toys in the attic!, be pulled up by the ears, oh my… oh my… it is soooo humiliating…